END THE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
If she were a man, she would be said to be an achiever, and like we will say, she could be compared to a ‘hundred yards of husband material’. However, for ‘concerned’ family and friends, she was ‘not complete’ even with everything working for her?! Yes!!! They insisted time was running out on her. Afterall, she was 30 years and not getting any younger. Her biological clock was ticking and soon men would start running away from her as she would start looking ‘old’.
She never did understand the rush. For her, it was only a matter of time before she finds a husband. Regardless of her take, these ‘concerned sympathizers’ wouldn’t hear of it, they were looking out for her. So, in the quest to getting her ‘fulfilled’ as a woman, took it upon themselves to haunt for a man on her behalf. Did they succeed? Of course they did. It’s not a difficult search. It just had to be ‘man’ meaning male specie. This specie that would ‘complete her’ didn’t need to have any special feature, there really didn’t need to be emotional, intellectual, spiritual or any other levels of compatibility. He didn’t need to have a job, a decent roof over his head or even love her. He just needed to have a pendulum dangling in between his legs – the only criteria. After unimaginable pressure, she succumbed to the match-making and months later, was walking down the aisle, all expense paid by her. Alas, she’s now a ‘fulfilled woman’.
Fast forward to 11 years later, she had no child, not even a failed pregnancy. Over these years, she had opened her self up to medical scrutiny to ascertain the root of the childlessness and was certified healthy, but her husband never agreed to do same. In all of these years of marriage, one thing that trailed her like a body odor were the very visible scars tattooed all over her once beautiful body, scars too numerous to count from frequent battering. Her life was being threatened on a daily. She was already limping from injuries sustained from an auto accident from being chased down the street by her husband, an incident that left her at the orthopedic hospital for many months. She was left with a battered self esteem, no job from constant harassment from her husband at her work place and against her male colleagues, friends and neighbors. Ironically, there had been countless allegations of sexual harassment and confessions from women, church members, housemaids and neighbors of the clandestine relationships of her husband.
All of these years of physical and emotional battery, neither family nor friends had successfully intervened to address the situation. She’d been turned back by family, afteral marriages were for ‘better for worse, till death do us part’. Friends asked her to “persevere”; the church asked her to “pray more”. The once lively and enchanting Sarah had become a shadow of herself, timid, withdrawn, depressed and disillusioned. However, even with little or no finances or a clear direction, she knew it was time to move on.
So on this eventful day, after the usual dose of beating, her husband locked her in. Unfortunately for him, she’d discovered a spare key. Running away was just the only reasonable thing to do and that she did, she fled. This time, nothing could stop her, it was about saving her life and not about what any one else would think.
Over the years, Gender based violence has been fuelled by culture, religion and unrealistic societal expectations. While we silently abhor it, we make no effort to confront the issue. The conspiracy of silence also has caused more havoc than the act itself. Where do these broken hearts go? Where do these broken women go? How much emotional and psychological support is made available to help deal with the life long trauma whether at the family, community or national level? Where do they find succor form the shame and stigma of not being able to ‘stay in marriage’ or ‘keep a man’?
We must stop the stigmatization against these women. They should be treated with respect, dignity and as hero’s for having the courage to resist oppressive and abusive relationships. We must not play religion with issues as devastating and wicked as spousal abuse regardless of the gender of the victim.
This is a call to women, to victims of spousal abuse to seek redress in cases of abuse. You could make a report at the Gender desk of the Nigerian Police. If your case is not given satisfactory attention, seek out Gender based organizations around you, talk to somebody at a media house and make complains, get on social media, do as much as you can within the ambits of the law to get a redress, to get justice. We want to see more men - HeForShe’s stand with the women folk on this. You never know who could be next; it could be your mother, sister, your daughter, grand daughter, relative or colleague.
Staying in an abusive relationship is suicidal. Women, dare to speak out, save your head first.
#16days
#orangetheworld
#EndTheViolenceAgainstWomen
-Nelly Nwaka' Ohuche
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