THE GENDER BIAS OF SPOUSAL ABUSE
-Nelly Nwaka' Ohuche
There has been an interestingly sad twist to spousal abuse in Nigeria that until recently had enjoyed the conspiracy of silence. A conspiracy that makes the victim hide in shame, hinged on unrealistic cultural, societal and egotistic expectations. It is a twist that has turned the tables and ironically seems to make a mockery of the victim.
It is agreed that over the ages, women have been the most victims of spousal abuse and have become endangered species. The campaign against Spousal abuse has gained great popularity in Nigeria however it has been tilted in favor of the female folks, and this has worked against the male folks who have been left out of the campaign.
Spousal Violence against men is violence perpetuated by the female folks against men & boys in intimate relationships. These silent populations of men face similar battles women faced before the recognition of spousal abuse. Due to the general perception and outdated narrative that men cannot be victims of spousal violence, women have unfortunately gotten away with this crime for too long.
The gender bias of spousal abuse has been perpetuated on the wings of men being the ‘stronger gender’ thus with a stamina to withstand pressures and overcome ‘attacks’ from the ‘weaker vessels’ – women. For this reason, it has become a laughable subject as these abused men are more often doubted and ridiculed. The issue of disbelief when issues of abuse against men/husbands especially are raised due to derogatory stereotypes has caused a down-play of this devastating issue leaving the victims completely defeated. Interestingly, records have shown women batterers who have been very violent, causing physical assault, with unimaginable rage that can drive a man insane and destroy his self esteem, that is, asides being verbally and emotionally abusive.
“She threw a blender at me for asking her to wipe the water off her hands before turning on the blender”.
“Whenever she calls, she demands to speak with the people around me to verify my location, and will threaten to show up at my office in a night gown if I refuse”.
“She attacks me at the slightest opportunity and for the most ridiculous reason. She hits and bites”.
Domestic violence against men takes many forms so if you are having trouble identifying it, take a second look at the patterns of your relationship and weigh them against these pointers:
If the abuser….
• uses intimidation, hurtful words and behaviors to control;
• is progressively jealous and possessive, constantly accuses you of being unfaithful; threatens you with violence or weapons, hits you or your loved ones,
• tries to cut you off from your support network;
• hypercritical;
• puts you down too often;
• attempts to or control your finances;
• controls your movement;
• deprives you of your personal space;
• blackmails you into staying in the relationship;
• abuses sexually either by depriving of or coercing for sex
If this looks like you, it is a state of emergency, make sure to get help. Refuse to fall to the trap of stigmatization or unrealistic societal expectation. You should start by telling someone about the abuse whether a friend, family member or a professional. It might initially be difficult to, but it gets easier the more you talk about it.
There must be safety plans for leaving when there is a risk of violence. Have an exit plan and make sure to keep it away from your abuser, guard your phones and social media passwords carefully.
Remember, you are not at fault if you are being abused.
Staying in an abusive relationship is suicidal. Men, dare to speak out, save your head first.
#16days
#orangetheworld
#EndTheViolenceAgainstWomen
#EndTheViolenceAgainstMen
#EndSpousalViolence
@DNellyJ @HYPE_PR @true_divas
hypemediapr@gmail.com
There has been an interestingly sad twist to spousal abuse in Nigeria that until recently had enjoyed the conspiracy of silence. A conspiracy that makes the victim hide in shame, hinged on unrealistic cultural, societal and egotistic expectations. It is a twist that has turned the tables and ironically seems to make a mockery of the victim.
It is agreed that over the ages, women have been the most victims of spousal abuse and have become endangered species. The campaign against Spousal abuse has gained great popularity in Nigeria however it has been tilted in favor of the female folks, and this has worked against the male folks who have been left out of the campaign.
Spousal Violence against men is violence perpetuated by the female folks against men & boys in intimate relationships. These silent populations of men face similar battles women faced before the recognition of spousal abuse. Due to the general perception and outdated narrative that men cannot be victims of spousal violence, women have unfortunately gotten away with this crime for too long.
The gender bias of spousal abuse has been perpetuated on the wings of men being the ‘stronger gender’ thus with a stamina to withstand pressures and overcome ‘attacks’ from the ‘weaker vessels’ – women. For this reason, it has become a laughable subject as these abused men are more often doubted and ridiculed. The issue of disbelief when issues of abuse against men/husbands especially are raised due to derogatory stereotypes has caused a down-play of this devastating issue leaving the victims completely defeated. Interestingly, records have shown women batterers who have been very violent, causing physical assault, with unimaginable rage that can drive a man insane and destroy his self esteem, that is, asides being verbally and emotionally abusive.
“She threw a blender at me for asking her to wipe the water off her hands before turning on the blender”.
“Whenever she calls, she demands to speak with the people around me to verify my location, and will threaten to show up at my office in a night gown if I refuse”.
“She attacks me at the slightest opportunity and for the most ridiculous reason. She hits and bites”.
Domestic violence against men takes many forms so if you are having trouble identifying it, take a second look at the patterns of your relationship and weigh them against these pointers:
If the abuser….
• uses intimidation, hurtful words and behaviors to control;
• is progressively jealous and possessive, constantly accuses you of being unfaithful; threatens you with violence or weapons, hits you or your loved ones,
• tries to cut you off from your support network;
• hypercritical;
• puts you down too often;
• attempts to or control your finances;
• controls your movement;
• deprives you of your personal space;
• blackmails you into staying in the relationship;
• abuses sexually either by depriving of or coercing for sex
If this looks like you, it is a state of emergency, make sure to get help. Refuse to fall to the trap of stigmatization or unrealistic societal expectation. You should start by telling someone about the abuse whether a friend, family member or a professional. It might initially be difficult to, but it gets easier the more you talk about it.
There must be safety plans for leaving when there is a risk of violence. Have an exit plan and make sure to keep it away from your abuser, guard your phones and social media passwords carefully.
Remember, you are not at fault if you are being abused.
Staying in an abusive relationship is suicidal. Men, dare to speak out, save your head first.
#16days
#orangetheworld
#EndTheViolenceAgainstWomen
#EndTheViolenceAgainstMen
#EndSpousalViolence
@DNellyJ @HYPE_PR @true_divas
hypemediapr@gmail.com
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